Diva's New House

About 9 years ago my father (he lived in FL at the time) called to tell me he was selling his house down there and would I look for a 2 family house. He was breaking up with his girl friend and was selling his house . LE was 2 at the time and we lived in a beautiful old Victorian house as renters. Buying a home was a dream but we hadn't yet saved a down payment. My father agreed to give us the 10 thousand dollar down payment as my inheritance . We would not be obligated to pay him back. After seeing several dumps we found this house. It was empty and didn't need any work but changing the paint color in our bedrooms to match our taste. So in we moved. Father on the 1st floor and the 3 of us on the 2 and 3 floors. The thing is, I have paid this mortgage for 9 years and have never felt like it was mine. One day I found he had dug a veggie garden in the middle of the backyard. I do mean right smack dab in the middle. When we wanted a swing set for LE he argued that it wasn't anything needed in his yard. Do you see a trend here. HIS ,always referred to as his. After more than a year he found a new girl (if you can call a 72 yr old a girl) and decided to move in with her and why not then he didn't have any rent to pay(he gave us $200 a month for a $600-700 apartment) . Then we had to make a choice on who to move in downstairs. It's a whole other blog but my sister and mother were sharing a small apartment at the time. We asked my mother to move in so we had child care for LE. This worked out OK for a few years. But as time went on she had issues. First it was drinking. LE found her face down on the floor and she had to go to the hospital to dry out. Then she decided she didn't want to work anymore. Her social security wasn't enough to pay us the full rent (which was at least $300 less than market value) so we had to drop the price. Then we had to take over the electric bill. Again a pattern develops. Recently a note was sent up with LE. I HAD(notice the caps here) to deposit money into her checking account because she overdrew. Hmmmm, didn't ask me to borrow money just told me to. In November 2006 my sister's lease was not renewed do to issues with paying rent on time. With no money for security deposit ect she was going to be homeless. My mother was frantic so we allowed her to move into the spare bedroom in my mom's apartment. We asked for a small amount of rent. She was supposed to pay off bills she owed especially the ones she ran up in my mother's name and then save some money to go out on her own. Let's just say she hasn't saved a dime. Now I had a falling out with my father last summer. Basically he told me that he wished I had never been born. He never wanted a second child after sissy dear. This is the 2nd time in my life he told me this. The other was when I supported my mother in the divorce 25 years ago. Thought we had moved passed that but I was wrong. My sister was witness to the exchange last summer. Now daddy dearest relocated back here again in Jan 2008. He showed up at my store with hugs ect. When I pulled away he couldn't understand why. When I explained it to him he denied ever saying it. Still doesn't remember. Think my sister who was standing there would speak up? Nope. In fact she invited him over for Easter dinner. Now my parents are divorced for a reason. My mother hates him. Without asking permission sissy just invited him. My mother was pissed and so was I. I spent my day thinking any minute he would come through the door screaming at me. I was sick to my stomach the whole time. I know my dad and the day is coming near when I'll hear how ungrateful I am. All the years he lived in Fl he would come home for 3 months every summer. I would see him a few days after he got here. Just in time to collect his fathers day/birthday gifts and then just before he was leaving to go back. Oh and the big dinners. I would have to cook a huge expensive meal to entertain him. He would expect all his favorites (75-80 bucks easy). Never once in 8 years did he ever take us out to dinner. Once he had us over to the house he was borrowing. Hot dogs, burgers and a green salad. Whooptie freakin' do. Once he had me, borg ,le , sissy and her 2 boys meet him at restaurant in town. When the check came he handed it to me. ( I gave him the name of a new buffet here) He said you picked it I guess you get the check. I kid you not. But he did give me 20 bucks towards my sisters meal. YAY!! The other $100 was mine to pay. All these years I feel like I've been giving and getting nothing in return. My sister consistently turns down extra hours at work. Why not. She only needs to pay $200 dollars a month to live in a nice house, in a nice neighborhood with a brand new pool in the yard. Last year borg and I never got to enjoy that pool alone. She was outside everyday. She worked 7-11am and then was in the pool all day. I'm tired of struggling to keep other people afloat. How many times will I come home this summer to find her and dad floating around my pool. When I called my oldest nephew to tell him we are thinking about selling and finding a one family he told me somethings that were said during Easter dinner. Vicious things. Things that made me realize that I NEED to sell this house. I NEED to not worry about dad showing up. I NEED to be able to throw my shoes in the hallway without comments. I NEED to not feel taken advantage of. I NEED to raise my daughter not my mother and sister. I WANT to drop my mortgage payment almost $800 a month. I WANT to be able to cuddle with my husband(alone) in my pool when LE is staying at a friends. I WANT to be free of this awful feeling I have every time I come home. Now I have to tell them we are selling. Wish me luck. If you're in a 200 mile radius you'll probably hear the names they'll be calling me. But I NEED to do this.

A friend

This will be a long post. So much to say about an ex-boss. For privacy reasons I'll just call him ML. For 19 years I've worked for the same grocery store. Started in the special cheese section and then moved to the deli then landed in seafood. I was married in August 95. Just before I left for my wedding the meat manager asked me if I would be interested in learning how to wrap meat and work in that department. The full time wrapper had to go out on medical leave and he needed a replacement. Why not? I was very nervous going into that room. It's a very manly kind of place. Blood everywhere. Noise from the saws ect. But Yvonne took me under her wing and started the training process. There's a lot to learn and she was (still is) a great teacher. ML always had a smile on his face. Young and very cute with big dimples he was a huge practical joker (still is). As time went on ML would find each persons "button". He knew what to say to make you just want to kill him but laugh at the same time. He worked harder and smarter than any other manager I have every known. He wanted and encouraged you to think for yourself. He came to trust the decisions you made but if you screwed up he'd let you know. My button was a girl named Sue. ML would tell me she was better and could wrap faster than me. That just made me work harder. I became very good at my job because of him. A few months after I got married I became pregnant with LE. the doctor wanted me to watch my weight very closely while pregnant so I started bringing my lunch to work. Several times my peanut butter and jelly sandwich disappeared. ML was stealing my lunch. So on pb/j days I made 2 ,1 for me and 1 for ML. I worked almost full time up until a month before I was due. ML was on vacation when I was told no more work. The last thing he said before he left was "you won't be here when I get back." Up till that time I was fine and had every intention of working up until my water broke but he somehow knew better. Doctor took me out early. On the way home from the hospital 56 hours after giving birth by C-section we took this brand new bundle of joy to see ML but he wasn't in. Called out sick. I was so disappointed he wasn't there. He never took sick time. Without going into details I'm not sure he would want me to share, ML's life was a miracle. 46? years ago when he was born he almost didn't survive. Multiple ground breaking operations saved his life not just as an infant but throughout his life. He had told me once not to complain about pain or being sick because he lived with it everyday. "If you're not coming in just say so. Don't sob story it." He made me promise to never use my daughter being sick as an excuse if it wasn't true. Children and family mean everything to him. He had been told he would probably never be a Dad but he defied the odds and had 2 amazing boys. I still remember the day the told us RL (his wife) was expecting number 3. I thought his dimples were going to explode he was so happy. I so hoped for a girl but son #3 was born. LE was about 2 and we convinced her to give up her pacifier by telling he #3 needed it more than she did. Now those boys are 17/14/9 (i think) and they are just like him(and that's a good thing). Everyday is full of life for ML. I remember him coming in and telling me how RL had yelled at him and the boys for the super soaker water gun fight they had.....IN the house. His defense was "it's only water..it'll dry." He's a fun dad. RL was raising 4 boys not 3. God bless her.
When LE was about 18 months old (she was talking in full sentences by 15 months) he asked her where Daddy was. He says to her "can you say Daddy's a loser?" (typical ML humour here) and she looked up at him and said "My daddy is not a loser you're Marloser". (a huge play on ML's real name) and from that day she called him Marloser. He would just laugh.
I cried the day ML was transfered out of my store. He could bring you to a blood boiling rage sometimes but when it came to understanding I was a working mother, he was/is the best. My husband and I would meet at my store to do the baby hand off and if he was running few minutes late it was always OK. Oh he would bust my chops but with a smile. No one I have worked for since (all male by the way) gets that like he did. I could have done without some of his practical jokes but I wouldn't trade the time I worked for him for anything.
Several months ago ML wasn't feeling well. A trip to the doctors brought unbelievable news. Cancer........in several places. Pain he had been feeling thinking it was just "his ' everyday pain wasn't. Now he is fighting for his life.
A few months ago a fund raising dinner was held for ML and his family. Maybe a few people would come right? 800 showed up. Some people, me included couldn't even get a ticket. The restaurant was packed. This past Tuesday night a retirement dinner was held for ML. The company recently offered a buyout package to old timers and he was able to take it. 500 people this time. Looking around that room you knew everyone had a ML story to tell. At the benefit he didn't give a speech. Tuesday he did. His voice filled with emotion. Thanking his family fighting by his side, His brother who would drive 30 miles one way to sell a ticket, to everyone who came to be with him that night. By the end of the night the exhaustion was apparent. His treatment is on going.
I don't now if I'll ever cross paths with him again in person but I pray I do. RL emails updates on his condition occasionally and I will certainly look forward to them. One of my current co-workers is very close to ML still, so I hear news from him. I'll continue to send him picture cards of LE. I was touched to hear at Christmas time she was on the "L" family wall-of-honor with all the nieces and nephews. Now her Easter card is on his fridge. Knowing this makes me feel so wonderful inside.
I'm not a very spiritual person but I pray everyday to whatever god I believe in (and that differs day to day) for more time for ML. Time for him to be able to see his sons grow up. To grow old with his wife. I know each day will be a battle but just give him more time to love and be loved by his family and friends. Bless him with the strength to fight this battle. Bless him with more time.

Borg Update

Borg went to his follow up at the new doctor today. He really liked him and his staff. After the exam Dr. M came to the conclusion that Borg is simply suffering from high blood pressure. He was 130/100 today. That bottom number really needs to come down. He started him on medication and is sending him for major blood work to get his cholesterol levels and such. Dr, M also suggested that Borg lose 10-15 lbs. Ok, now I love my husband but it's closer to 50 he should drop. Since I've lost over 100 I can say that without feeling guilty. So starting next week borg is going to start eating my way. Lots of fresh veggies and grilled chicken coming his way. He is also giving up his blasted energy drinks. I have tried telling him how bad they are and now the Dr is too. Soda is out and so is salt. Borg is only 38 and much too young to have this problem. Life is taking a new turn and if I can diet and do 5 days a week in the gym, he can hit the treadmill at home while watching TV and give up a few things. Maybe we'll be that hot couple strolling down the beach this summer in their matching bikini's. Borg in a speedo now that's a mental picture.

Nightmare in the ER ( beware it's a long one)

Last Tuesday Borg came down with a headache. He gets them every so often and with some advil and a hot shower he can usually make them go away. Maybe once a year is so bad he'll need to go to bed and sleep through it. He never takes time off from work but he did Tuesday. So I knew it was bad. The pain lessened through Tuesday and Wednesday but it became worse on Thursday. He worked his day shift and then went back at 11 for his overnight. The phone rang around 1am. He was throwing up the pain was so bad and he was coming home. By 10 am Friday he couldn't stand it anymore. Off to the doctor. After waiting almost 2 hours to be seen the Dr tells him he wants him to go to the ER right away. His blood pressure was dangerously high. 168/118. He couldn't tell if the headache was causing the high pressure or vise versa. Off to the ER we go. Now the Dr is worried that he is having/about to have a stroke. Borg is only 38 and in relatively good health. He calls ahead and tells them he wants him seen asap and orders a CAT scan. We get there about 40 minutes later and the place is packed to the walls. He checks in and takes a seat. Within 10 minutes his face is so red I'm scared to death. I go to the triage area and explain the DR has called and please look at him. I get told he needs to wait. I ask the nurse to just look out the door and if he thinks waiting is ok then I'll gladly wait. Needless to day he was taken right in. His pressure was even higher now. The RN on duty tell us she talked to the DR and he never said he wanted him admitted. Well that's not what Borg was told at the office. I said to the nurse "why would the DR waste his time calling you if it wasn't a true emergency?" Didn't get the answer I was looking for trust me. So now we wait. About 30 minutes later we are brought to a stretcher in the hallway. Patients are lining the walls of the ER. A heploc for IV's was put in and he is left laying flat on his back with a light over head. He had to put the hood of his sweatshirt over his eyes they hurt so bad. And we wait. Dr comes by finally and Borg tells him the story. Dr orders a CAT Scan. Now a few years ago I (who never suffer from headaches) had this same pain. CAT was clean. The DR never looked at my neck. Which turns out to be where the problem was. So I tell the DR about my experience and would he please Xray Borgs neck just to be sure. He said if it was in MY professional medical opinion he needed one, he would ordered it.(can you hear the sarcasm) So they jack Borg up with meds and away he goes. CAT and xrays comeback clear. So good news no stroke/brain bleed. Next diagnosis is meningitis. Only way to find that out is by lumbar puncture. He finally after 5 hours in the hall gets a private ER room. And low and be hold a new DR is taking his case. Guess the old one (he was the jerk I had a few weeks ago) didn't like me speaking up. But That's OK I like this one better. Borg gets into position and the DR tries to find the spot but no luck. Borg is a really big muscular guy and it was impossible to feel anything. So by now it's after 7pm and no radiologist on duty to use a floriscope to find vertebra and get test done. But they start him on all the meds as if he has meningitis. Steroids, kick ass antibiotics and more pain meds. Borg was getting Dalautin (not sure of spelling) 10x more powerful than morphine we were told. Should knock out a horse. One shot did me in but not Borg the Big. Every 2 1/2 hours he was dying again. Now the decision is made to keep him overnight so they can have the test done in the am. I leave the hospital about 10pm (9 hours after we got there) and the waiting room is still packed. Borg has night from hell. Pain will not go away completely and night nurse won't give him pain meds as needed. I go back around 9am and his is having the lumbar puncture done. I went through the same thing when I was there a few years ago. Now we wait some more. Finally at 1 pm they send us home. Tell Borg to rest and follow up with new DR. Test results come back clean. So he took all this medication for no reason. And he still has a headache although not as bad. Now we still have no idea why his blood pressure was so high. Was this causing the headache? Was it a result of the headache? Thousands of dollars later we still have no answers. He is calling new DR in the am. Hopefully with ER recommendation he can get seen asap. I can't fathom going through all this and still not knowing why he hurts so bad. Hopefully we will get some answers this week. And to top it all off I came down with the flu. Trying to take care of him and myself is proving to be a challenge. All I want to do is sleep. We both need to get better soon.

Friday I was having a lousy day. I weigh myself every Friday morning and this week the scale didn't move. I decided that it must be my old spring scale. Off to Walmart I go. I'm dressed in wide leg yoga/lounge pants. Something I never wear out of the house. I big teeshirt and Patriots sweatshirt about 10 sizes too big. Not very flattering I assure you. I pull into a space and a young man backs his little matchbox pickup into the space next to mine. Now we try to open our doors at the same time which wont work. I motion to him to go first. He gets out and closes his door and heads to the front of his truck. I open my door and catch my shoe in my pant leg. I then fall out of my SanteFe onto the ground. Now that's bad enough in itself but my pocketbook opens up and money starts flying around. About $150 in small bills from LE's girl Scout cookies. So I throw myself on my stomach to keep the bills from sailing away. I look like a crack dealer trying to grab her stash back. My brand new cell phone skids to a stop under this guy's truck. He starts yelling "Mam are you ok?" and rushes to my aide. Ok he called me mam. Have I gotten that old that I'm now a mam to twenty somethings? So I tell him that only my pride is hurt but I need to get my daughters gs cookie money picked up. He is polite enough to point out that my cell is under his truck. I tell him I'll get it as soon as the money is back in my pocketbook. He looks at me then at his truck and says "Why don't I get it for you. " This is funny because the truck is really little and very low to the ground. I guess he figured there was no way my ass was going to fit under his truck. He was small about 5'4 and 140 maybe. SO he lays down and gets my cell for me. Needless to say I wanted to DIE right there in the Walmart parking lot. I wasn't hurt but felt like an idiot. But I brush myself off and go in the store. I get my new digital scale and head home. I pull it out of the box set it like the directions said to and climb on. The f--cking thing tells me I weigh 13lbs more than my old scale does. I get LE to get on both. Her weight is the same. I call Marty out into the kitchen. Low and freakin' behold they say the same thing. But me, nope 13 freakin' lbs more. Needless to say that sucker is back in the box and going back to Walmart. This time no yogapants. This fat diva doesn't want to end up on the ground again. Oh and if the guy had been really studly I would have played dead until the EMT's got there. That way I wouldn't have to face him.

Today I'm kinda unhappy. I started going to the gym in January. I love the place. It's all women of all shapes and sizes. Young and old alike. In 2 months I lost 20lbs. I also lost the following: 1 3/4 inches off my thighs, 1/2 inch off upper arms, 1 inch off waist, 1 inch off my hips and about 3/4 inch off my calves. Now to you it may sound wonderful. But I haven't lost any weight in about 7-8 days. I get the fact that inches are just as important but the scale really needs to drop at least a little to make me completely happy. I spend almost 2 hours a day there. I've switched from treadmill to treadclimber( 2x the workout) I've increased all my weights(but not too much). But the scale isn't moving. So tonight I'm going to rest. I'll talk to the trainer in the am. I know I really can't cut back much more on my food intake and still be able to workout. So I feel like I've done a lot but not enough. Tomorrow I'll "run" in the am while borg sleeps and go back in the pm for weights and another "run". I've lost 120 lbs so far. I just want the other 70 gone. Then I'll feel like I've really accomplished something. I want to fit into the size 12 tankini I have hanging upstairs by July. Friend at work has a brother-in-law who went to India for a LapBand procedure. Here it costs over 25 thousand dollars. He paid 8 grand for the trip and surgery. Wish I had that kind of cash laying around. I might just do the same thing.

I went to my mamo this morning. All is well in the land of diva's boobs. Nothing questionable was found. Now the question is why am I having this searing pain. But I can live with that knowing I'm ok. I had several ideas for this post but as I sit here I can't think of a thing. Guess I'm too happy about my test results but I reserve the right to come back later.